Back at Sinch's. He's asleep again, and I'm sitting on the floor writing. Just looking back at the journal, that was the first night I spent with him, when I was pretty happy. I wasn't sure if I'd freak out or if things would change, but they didn't. So it's been a week and we just did stuff again tonight, and I'm still not freaking out.
It's not as big a deal to him, I think. It sounds like he kinda does stuff with other people a lot, too, like some of the thieves he hangs out with (he doesn't call them thieves, but I know). That's good, 'cause it means I don't have to worry about it if I'm too busy to hang out with him. But he's usually free if I do want to, which was three times this past week, even though I only got over here today.
I asked him if he could think of any reason I wouldn't have to marry the vixen. He said if we could prove she was barren, or wasn't really noble, that I wouldn't have to, but I don't think I can really do either of those. Not quickly, anyway. Then I thought that if I don't become a lord, I won't have to marry her. But I can't think of a way to not be a lord. I tried saying I don't want to do it, and that didn't work. I'm not sure how, but I guess it doesn't matter what I want. Father made me go talk to Master Ovile about what happens when heirs say they don't want to be lords (it's called “abdicate”). I had to sit there for an hour and listen to three stories of bloody fights about who got to be lord (“wars of succession”) and how hundreds of people died.
It's not really fair to make me do something I don't want to just so hundreds of people won't die. I mean, what if I fell into the river and drowned? Would all those people still die? Would it be my fault? But there are some things I can control. They can make me be a lord, but they can't make me marry a vixen who cares more about what scent she's wearing than about what the people around her are talking about.