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moody
yilon
I wonder if I could get out the window. Even if I died from the fall, that would be better than going back to Divalia with Father and the guard like I'm a prisoner. Father says I'm not, even though the guards had to stop me and Sinch from leaving yesterday morning.

Someone at the inn did recognize me. They called a guard, because I'm not of age, and sent a messenger to the city for Father. He and another pair of guards arrived just before noon today to take us back to the palace. I don't know if I'm going to be placed under arrest or what. I asked him to let Sinch go, because it was all my idea, but he didn't respond, not then. We just rode all the way back to this inn and I don't think any of us said more than two or three words the whole day. These loud bugs followed us back to the city. Father grabbed one and ate it, so when he wasn't looking, I tried one too. It was sharp and bitter. I liked it.

Then Father sent Sinch down for water and closed the door, and lectured me on responsibility, and how I'm coming of age in a month, and if I'm going to be a Lord, I'll have to be a model to my people, and all of this other stuff. Like I didn't know that. I told him it was just because I didn't want to marry Haley, and he told me that if Haley was the one chosen to be my wife then I would have to marry her and be happy with it. And he said something about Sinch, then, and tried to make out like he knew what I was going through. I forgot to mention, he kept looking at Sinch the whole time we were riding. So I told him that I didn't want to go live with Sinch and abandon my wife. He got mad and said there were things I didn't understand, and I said I hoped they threw me in jail because then at least I wouldn't have to marry that useless waste of space. He told me that she wasn't a waste of space and that I needed to learn to appreciate someone who, I don't remember exactly, something about her being smart but scared to show it, and I said that if I thought she was smart enough to be scared then I wouldn't be dreading every moment I spent with her. Then he said he hoped I'd be more reasonable later and Sinch came back and he walked out.

Sinch asked what happened, but I didn't feel like talking much about it. He wanted to do stuff, but I didn't know if we'd have privacy and I still felt too worked up, so we just went to sleep.

It felt good to hold him, but that doesn't mean anything.
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